So in Episode 12 of Let's Talk 3, the topic was about Depression. You can view the episode here:

According to Wikipedia: "Depression is a state of low mood and aversion to activity that can have a negative effect on a person's thoughts, behaviour, feelings, world view and physical well-being. Depressed people may feel sad, anxious, empty, hopeless, worried, helpless, worthless, guilty, irritable, hurt or restless. They may lose interest in activities that once were pleasurable, experience loss of appetite or overeating, have problems concentrating, remembering details, or making decisions and may contemplate or attempt suicide. Insomnia, excessive sleeping, fatigue, loss of energy, or aches, pains or digestive problems that are resistant to treatment may also be present."

All of us have gone through a series of upsetting events before. Feeling sad is something normal and a part of our lives, which is why many of us aren't aware that we are in fact depressed, thus paying less attention to it.

Depression can be quite scary. It affects a person in both physical and mental ways. When taken too seriously, it can even lead someone to death. Even though depression is obviously bad, it is also an obstacle or debris in our path of life. I realized that people who do suffer from depression become somewhat euphoric over artistic works and creativity.

I, for one, am like that.

Don't see me blur blur and seem to be always happy... I am actually pretty fragile. I have never ever mentioned to anyone about this before, and I tend to bottle things up inside for fear that people judge me or don't bother about me. I opened up during the show I suspected that I suffered from mild depression before. Despite the signs, I didn't go to the psychiatrist or anything so I wasn't clinically diagnosed, because I thought that it didn't pose much of a problem.

My part got cut off because I said stuff that probably could not be broadcasted in Singapore (which is why sometimes I don't like living here coz we cannot express ourselves fully, but that's another matter). I wasn't doing good in anything + I am a perfectionist, also I had trouble communicating with people (huge quarrels with classmates, got bullied and stuff), thus I had thoughts of becoming a terrorist and killing people I didn't like, because I blamed them for who I became, and for my sadness. I think I had those thoughts partly because of all the terrorist news going on during that time (I honestly thought of joining them before, sigh what was I thinking...), and because I played a lot of computer games that required me to kill enemies.

The guest speaker told me that it was a sign of violence, and I agree with him that we should think of learning from the process and do better than we are to prove to other people that we are better than them. After being sad, I thought through about what was wrong and tried my best to improve myself. People laughed at me for being ugly. So I tried to improve my looks with make up, go for facials, even did an operation to remove this huge black mole on my forehead. People bullied and looked down on me because I was too quiet and didn't dare to express myself, didn't dare to fight back. So now I look for more opportunities to prove my worth, and one of the best examples I have, is this award winning blog.

Also, I am more into fashion and dressing up now partly because I see it as a form of art and creativity. I get to express how I feel through pretty clothes! I get to match them however I like it! Which is why when people ask me to describe my style, I'll tell them: "Random, eccentric, and according to how I feel."

I also do a lot of walking and thinking. Other than that, I listen to all sorts of music to let it all out, scream, sing and calm my soul.

I still feel very upset sometimes, no doubt. I understand how it feels to be constantly rolling the boulder uphill and then watching it roll back down when I reached the top. I work for years to get one little result. Nobody can be 100% happy their whole lives.. But it is through so many of these processes, I have learnt how to be stronger and work out a solution for myself. You see, we are so much stronger than we thought. Not to brag or anything, but I have proved to many people that I am not the weakling they thought I was. Because I had the will to make the change.

And secretly, I enjoy the shock they get.


  1. WOMAN, yknow who am i. Always here for you okay, ykknow i'll always set aside time for you when you need me! <3 anything, reach out! i'll go crazy with you. Love youuuuu loads! and imma meet you soon, after all my papers. and maybe crash your house! ;) <3

  2. The most obvious signs of depression is withdraw and sinking moods.
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